Hitting the wall (12/02/2015)
"Everyone hits the wall at some point in their lives". That's what people tell you, but what people don't tell you is the signs that you've hit the wall, and the actual feeling of hitting the wall. It's a shit feeling, to be blunt.
I've hit the wall - I'm currently hitting the wall. It's a long time coming, ever since Christmas I've felt myself slacking more and more. The biggest clues were when I had many opportunities to shoot but I never took them. My excuses were; I don't have any ideas or plans, it's too short notice, or I'm busy that day (when all I did was just sleep in and play video games).
The honest truth was I hated shooting. There was a period between Christmas and now, where I was unmotivated to shoot. I still loved the idea for being a photographer, working on projects and shooting. I loved the idea, but I didn't like the reality of how much work is needed to plan a shoot. I hit my low when I was thinking of changing universities, and even changing careers. I was having doubts about if it was a mistake not carrying on studying Media Production at university.
This week is Enhancement Week at my uni, we had a 24hr shoot which involved using Phase One cameras. For those who are not familiar with Phase One cameras, they're high end medium format cameras - worth a pretty penny and are every photographers' dream. Essentially, 24hrs was a whole day event where we as first years had the freedom to shoot whatever ideas we had with over £10,000 of equipment. I... passed that opportunity down. I didn't have any ideas or concepts. It was too short notice.
Right now, I'm looking back on my previous shoots and reminiscing. Wondering how I came up with ideas for shoots, or how I even shot without having any concepts to begin with. This isn't a Wikihow article on how to be more productive, or how to avoid hitting the wall. I don't currently know how to do that. What I can say is, it's good to stop and look back at your progress. Compare your current work to your older projects and see how much you've improved, or if you've improved.
I haven't done a post like this before, but I felt the need to vent. Hopefully someone in the same position as I will find this useful.